John Cleese's Letter to America

[El Jefe]

Somewhat humorous, but can he take a two-fingered backhand upward shove?

I’d find these items funnier if they came with matching sets for China, France, Britain, Brazil, Chile, Somalia, Saudi Arabia, etc….
@cystic:

To the citizens of the United States of America:

…Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen ElizabethII, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Well, If she governs us like she governed her son, bonnie  Prince Nancy…
I guess that leaves us free to do the right thing our way!
Toto, Dorothy really knew how to keep out the riff-raff.
@cystic:

1. You should look up “revocation” in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up “aluminium,” and check the pronunciation guide.
…
“like” and “you know” is anunacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

John, Are you talkin’ ta me?  Look up the term “howitzer” and the phrase "your rectal exam."  After putting the two together, like, I’m sure you’ll reconsider your, you know, unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.  Youknowwhatimean?
@cystic:

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called “Come-Uppance Day.”

Henceforth, be it known, that April the First, or the first of April, will no longer be known or refered to as as April Fool’s Day, but shall hereafter be designated and called Sour Grapes Day, Jealousy Day, I Gotta b**** Cause I’m A Loser Day, Whiny Butt Day or something like that.  All other days are designated as days you will attempt to do something productive with your life.  All Americans and or USans are sorry that your productivity seemed to dwindle after Monty Python and The Holy Grail.
@cystic:

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists.
…
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more
dangerous than a vegetable peeler.

John, when you come and personally take my gunS from me I will help remove the extra large potato peeler you have personally inserted horizontally in your a**. 
I intend to keep my gunS as they help reduce the population of lawyers and therapists.  I also wish to thank your country as well as Germany for the increased populations of therapists and lawyers.  Our jurist system owes much of its woes to powdered wigs and Freud.
@cystic:

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling “gasoline”) -roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

After you take the royalties checks you recieved last week and USE ONLY THAT MONEY to drive an American gasoline run car to travel from coast to coast and back again. Lodging, meals and generous gratuities required.
@cystic:

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play
English characters.

ACCEPTED  I have always admired English actors.  It had to be the acting that won them their Knight and Ladyhoodships.  They could win a beauty contest if the only other contestant were a pile of …
Except for you.
@cystic:

…American “football.” …baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of
America.

I’ll put up one or a team of American ‘nancies’ agin one or a team of your footbal dandies any day.
As for baseball… I think that Cuba, El Salvador, Japan and South Korea might object to your characterization…
and the Olympics.

[Guest]

The “intelligent jokes by USans” count still is “0”.

EJ, you might be as old as Cleese, and Cleese might have gone down in his creativity …. yet he still is funnier than you.

That reminds me of “First USamerican to discover irony” …

[Janus1]

The “intelligent jokes by USans” count still is “0”.

EJ, you might be as old as Cleese, and Cleese might have gone down in his creativity …. yet he still is funnier than you.

you mean a professional comedian, and veteran of one of the most popular (and hilarious) comedy troupes is funnier than someone who posts on this message board?  :-o

honestly, the joke could probably be “America is a bad place.” and you would probably find it funnier than anything an AMERICAN would say.

[Guest]

@Janus1:

you mean a professional comedian, and veteran of one of the most popular (and hilarious) comedy troupes is funnier than someone who posts on this message board?  :-o

I was as surprised as you when i discovered that… that’s why i felt like sharing these “breaking news” with the world…
maybe i should have used  this tool to make it look more like breaking news :)

honestly, the joke could probably be “America is a bad place.” and you would probably find it funnier than anything an AMERICAN would say.

Oh, i usually enjoy the american “Juste pour rire” festival when parts of it are broadcasted. ;)

[Janus1]

name one person, Falk, one person of prominence, that other people on this board will know of/can find by looking up, who uses the term “USan”, besides yourself (someone on this board is not a person of prominence). please do. I welcome being corrected if you can do so. should i provide a list of people who use the term “American?” what else makes a term correct, but common usage? its even listed as the official nationality on the CIA factbook (you probably dont care though, since its a US government organization). but honestly, Ive never heard anyone other than you use the term. so please, name ONE other person who does.

[El Jefe]

Janus!,
Drop the USan argument.  F_alk wont listen.

I previously brought up the subject. He didn’t accept the fact that most Europeans accepted it and called citizens of the USA “Americans” long before before he was born.  Of course, high society Brits called us other things before and after WWII.

[Guest]

@El:

I previously brought up the subject. He didn’t accept the fact that most Europeans accepted it and called citizens of the USA “Americans” long before before he was born.

Once you accept that the rest of the world calls you arrogant and ignorant, and call yourself that as well ….

You allow the “everyone does it” in one arguement, but not in the other.

SUD:
Point 1 of course with the “big picture” is no point of all. The letter is to the citizen of the USA. Noone disagrees. Nothing in your point 1 supports that he in fact equates the US with America. To think so,  would be like saying he supports the claim that USans are ignorant, as they can’t spell, and give strange names to things.
Point 2 is something i have waited for, as it is the only use of America that looks like it is equating America with USA. Now, i say he just coined the name of the new colony. And when it comes to their empire, the Brits are not that humble :).

Point 4 and Janus:
I wonder why the “Organisation of American States” has made such an effort to sign the “American Convention on Human Rights” … do they not know that as American States they belong to the USA and whit its Constitution there is no need to sign such a convention?

[Janus1]

Point 4 and Janus:
I wonder why the “Organisation of American States” has made such an effort to sign the “American Convention on Human Rights” …. do they not know that as American States they belong to the USA and whit its Constitution there is no need to sign such a convention?

you havent proven anything. all youve done is shown that there exists a context where “american” is used not referring specifically to the United States (although, its not even evidence against my point, since its used in an entirely different context (geographical region vs. nationality), so its really irrelevent). ive never disputed that other countries in the western hemisphere, belonging to north, south, or central america are referred to as “american”. their nationalities, however, are not “american”. the US nationality IS “american”. and youve as yet failed to produce any credible person who does not use it.

also:
go back and look at all the times he uses “american”. remove head from ass. then we can talk.

[Guest]

@Janus1:

remove head from a**

Do you still consider yourself a fascist btw?

[The Hydra]

This isnt even original :roll:…Its been done in various forms for decades…It doesnt even take a comedian to come up with material like this,let alone someone who is a has-been…The funny part is that some foreigner tries to point out things that we already know…

[Janus1]

im still waiting falk

[cystic crypt]

@The:

This isnt even original :roll:…Its been done in various forms for decades…It doesnt even take a comedian to come up with material like this,let alone someone who is a has-been…The funny part is that some foreigner tries to point out things that we already know…

ahhh
well you see, we in Canada only were introduced to the internet this year.  Also we had never heard of this kind of humor before.  For me, it was quite novel.  One day we will be as sofistamikated as you “Americans”.

[Guest]

@Janus1:

Falk, reread the initial reason i posted about this. you were responding to 221B about baseball, and the toronto bluejays. i was referring to the fact that John Cleese is speaking to Americans (from the US), not canadians, so 221B’s point was valid, and yours was not.

Since you have abandoned to discuss the original point, why should i discuss your distraction?

Well, i am too nice, even to you. Yes, there is noone else yet who calls you US’ans.
Now, my will is to change that fact, and bring the world the enlightenment of proper nationality-naming. In fact, it seems to work on a smale scale, and all changes start on a small scale.

Back to the original point:
@221B:

@cystic:

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event called the “World Series” for a game which is not played outside of
America.

This must come as a shock to the Toronto Blue Jays.  All along they thought they were playing in Canada :wink:

Now, is this ignorance, or arrogance,  or “just” another form of misuse of the term “America” ?
Do you think that thinking your nationality is “american” could be a reason for this behavior?
If not, what else?

I repeat my stance once and hopefully for all:
( USamerican ===> American AND
American =X=> USamerican )
thus
USamerican <=X=> American

[221B Baker Street]

Surely there are more productive things to do than argue about whether America = US?  :roll:

[Guest]

Never  :-D  :wink:

[Janus1]

Well, i am too nice, even to you. Yes, there is noone else yet who calls you US’ans.
Now, my will is to change that fact, and bring the world the enlightenment of proper nationality-naming. In fact, it seems to work on a smale scale, and all changes start on a small scale.

thats all i wanted. the accepted nationality name for the United States is “americans”. this name can refer to other things as well, but when referring to nationalities, it means people from the United States. Falk, you can say it however you want. as long as you understand that that is your term, and not the accepted one. if you think it will bring change, more power to you, but dont tell me that that nationality of US peoples is not american, becuase you dont agree with it.

:mrgreen:

anybody know why there is an afro smiley? or more importantly, why the txt for it is mrgreen?  :-o

[Imperious Leader]

What the hell is a US’an anyway falk? I have never seen this used by anybody but you… Is that what the French call Americans?  :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: afros rock out!  :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

hey you like my new French Icon?? I am showing solidarity with my rebel Muslim brothers. Its the new flag of Muslim “Vichy” France.  :roll:

[Zooey72]

I thought the post was funny myself.  Don’t really care about, or for his political views, but it was funny.  I wonder though if the left can find equaly funny the jokes made about the French.  There are a lot of them in this country.

"the last time the french wanted ‘more proof’ it rolled through paris singing “deutchland deutchland uber alles”.  I know some other ones, and find them funny too.  But I think many on this board might get offended at those kind of jokes.  People who take offense to cleese’s remarks or jokes like the ones I just made are way too sensitive IMO.

[Guest]

@Janus1:

the accepted nationality name for the United States is “americans”.

The accepted metal status of “americans” is “dumb” and the accepted behaviour towards other nations is “arrogant”.  ;)

And of course, with you equating the two, then suddenly:
(Canadian AND Brazilian) = nationality of the USA ?

The synonym use is leading to contradictions. I thought you had a logic course not long ago, then you should know the difference between “=>” and “<=>”.

[Guest]

@Imperious:

hey you like my new French Icon?? I am showing solidarity with my rebel Muslim brothers. Its the new flag of Muslim “Vichy” France.  :roll:

And hey, look Janus … someone just “proves”  why USans are seen as dumb and arrogant.

@Zooey72:

I wonder though if the left can find equaly funny the jokes made about the French.

Sure:
Q: What is surprising about the burning cars in Paris ?
A: French cars have problems with the ignition.