I knew this was going to be Monty Python, but figured it would be from “And Now for Something Completely Different”.
Joke
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Had to pass this one on…
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet,
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such
a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first
time.The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get
some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first
time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.
He tells the boy everything there is to know about
condoms and sex.At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and
all.That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house
and meets his girlfriend at the door. “Oh, I’m so excited
for you to meet my parents, come on in!”
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table
where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly
offers to say grace and bows his head.A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
with his head down.
Ten minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the
girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend,
“I had no idea you were this religious.”
The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea
your father was a pharmacist.” -
Ok, I had to stifle myself to keep from waking my roommate up. That’s hilarious :D.
Gee, I can so see that happening to me, too… :P
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That is realy funny.
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An oldie, but a goodie.
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Oh geez, shit happens dont it. :lol:
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A woman walks to her husband of 40 years, who is relaxing in his favorite arm chair and watching TV. She promptly smacks him across the face with good force.
“What did you do that for?” he cries.
“For 40 years of bad loving,” she replies.
He then stands up, and gives her a hearty slap to the face.
“Why did you hit me?” she asks.
“For knowing the difference,” he says.
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Q- Why do doctors swat newborns on their behind when they are born?
A- To knock the dicks off the dumb ones! -
I GET NO RESPECT….
A girl phoned me the other day and said…come on over, there’s nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
I looked up my family tree & found 3 dogs pissing on it
I met the surgeon general…he offered me a cigarette.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous…everyone hasn’t met me yet.
My wife & I were happy for 20 years…then we met
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
My wife met me at the door the other day in a sexy negligee…unfortunately, she was just coming home.
My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
On halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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@Scarface:
Q- Why do doctors swat newborns on their behind when they are born?
A- To knock the dicks off the dumb ones!Isn’t that a bit… sexist, or am I understanding it wrong?
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@Scarface:
Q- Why do doctors swat newborns on their behind when they are born?
A- To knock the dicks off the dumb ones!Isn’t that a bit… sexist, or am I understanding it wrong?
It’s like a blonde joke.
It’s hard to tell a joke without insulting someone….
usually the better jokes allow the joke’s target to laugh along (presented with taste) -
It’s hard to tell a joke without insulting someone….
usually the better jokes allow the joke’s target to laugh along (presented with taste)Unlike this example…
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I was completely confused by that joke. I didn’t catch the point or humor at all.
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Unlike this example…
This is by far the funniest thing I’ve read in this thread. Well done dezrt. You found a way to tell a joke without insulting someone, and it allows the joke’s target to laugh along (presented with taste)
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lol
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A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’. “His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.” The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, “Watch this.” He told Sniffer to “search”. Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent’s arm. The agent said, “Good boy”, and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
“Say, that’s pretty neat,” replied the first man.
Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s arm.
The agent said, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.”
“I like it!” said his seat mate.
The agent then told Sniffer to “search” again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.
The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the agent “What’s going on?”
The agent nervously replied, “He just found a bomb.”
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What does a blonde say when she walks into a bar?..…ouch
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Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?
A: A walkQ: Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
A: Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.I know, I know… :roll:
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Here’s one:
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a
local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young,
idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major
for conversation.
She said, “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious
man. Is something bothering you?”
“Negative, ma’am,” the Sergeant Major said, “Just serious by nature.”
"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks
like you have seen a lot of action.”
The Sergeant Major’s short reply was, “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the
wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”
The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, “1955.”
She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit
taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his
hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him
several times.
Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955!”The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact
voice, "I hope not, it’s only 2130 now.~Josh
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LOL, excellent!
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:lol:
Yeah, that was a good one.
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