• Post your favorite blonde jokes here…

    How do you know a Blonde is having a bad day?
    She can’t find her pencil and she has a tampon stuck behind her ear.

    What goes Vroom!  Screech!  Vroom!  Screech!
    A blonde at a flashing red light.

  • '18 '17 '16 '11 Moderator

    Why do blonds wear green lipstick?

    Red means stop!


  • What is the first thing a Blonde does when she gets up in the morning?
    Goes home.


  • Why does a blonde wear underwear?

    To keep her ankles warm.

    What does a blonde say after sex?

    So you guys all play on the same team?


  • What do you call the redhead walking between two blonds?

    The interpreter

    Why did the blond terrorist give up trying to blow up busses?

    She kept burning her lips on the exhaust

    A blond caught her house on fire.  In hysterics she grabbed her cell phone and called 911 and asked for them to put out the fire.  The operator asked, " How do we get there?"  The blond answered, “Duh!  The big red truck!”

  • '18 '17 '16 '11 Moderator

    Q: What do you call 5 blonds standing shoulder to shoulder?
    A: A wind tunnel.

    Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
    A: So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.

    Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
    A: So she wouldn’t get Hearing Aides.

    Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
    A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

    Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
    A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
    Q: Why does it work?
    A: “Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?”

    Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
    A: “Oh look! Donut seeds!”


  • :-D

    I laughed at just about every one!


  • Adopted into a blonde joke:

    A blonde housewife gets a call in the middle of the day from her husband.

    “YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS, I JUST WON THE LOTTERY!”

    The wife replies “Are you serious?”

    The husband says “as a heart attack.  Start packing your clothes!”

    Excited she says “OH MY GOD!  Should I pack summer or winter clothes?”

    “Both, I want you out of the house in an hour!”

  • '18 '17 '16 '11 Moderator

    Not really blond jokes, but funny nonetheless

    One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
    “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.”
    So he tied her up and went fishing.

    Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
    other is a husband.

    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.
    First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

    ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

    “Can you read this?” the optician asked.

    “Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”

    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, “I must
    tell you all something.  We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”

    “Thank Goodness,” said an elderly nun at the back.  “I’m so tired of chardonnay.”

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.  Suddenly,
    her husband burst into the kitchen.

    “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL!  Put in some more butter!  Oh my GOD!
    You’re cooking too many at once.  TOO MANY!  Turn them!  TURN THEM NOW!  We need more butter.  Oh my GOD!  WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?  They’re going to STICK!
    Careful…CAREFUL!  I said be CAREFUL!  You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking!  Never!  Turn them!  Hurry up!  Are you CRAZY?  Have you LOST your mind?  Don’t forget to salt them.  You know you always forget to salt them.  Use the salt.  USE THE SALT!  THE SALT!!!  THE SALT!!!”

    The wife stared at him.  “What in the world is wrong with you?  You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

    The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

    Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. 
      On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.  That
    afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
      On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.  That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
      On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

    … The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years

  • 2007 AAR League

    a fav

    So a blonde just walked into a building today…… :-D


  • Someone asked a blonde in Michigan which was closer Florida or the moon?

    Well duh, you can see the moon.


  • This one may be lost on folks who are not a bit older and remember the Pizza Hut commercials…

    What do you call a brunette and 3 blondes on a street corner?

    Regular price, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks :-)

    How do you know a blonde has been using the computer?
    There is white out on the screen.

    Or the ultimate blonde statement (courtesy Julie Brown)

    “I’d just like to say that being chosen as this months Miss August is like a compliment I’ll remember for as long as I can.  Right now I am a freshman in my 4th year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian because I love children.”

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