In Bible College I grew increasingly unconvinced with the faith, but only 10 years later after lots of struggle did I come out and declare myself agnostic to my family. Fortunately, they still love me. I just worry that they will try to brainwash my kids.
Well, this prompts me to tell the story of another life.
As those who remember me from the time I used to post regularly on this board might now, I’m German. I grew up in a very religious family and there was a time I really believed in God, Jesus and the devil, who scared the hell out of me. My family is catholic, but my mother is active in the charismatic movement. I’ve been to religious gatherings and once I was even made evangelizing people on the street (I despise people misusing their children for such purposes). But the older I got the more I realized, that faith is nothing real, it doesn’t support you. I became more and more depressed, I couldn’t imagine living without some kind of religion. Around 17 I started to drink, a lot. I don’t think I ever was an alcoholic, as today I have no problem with drinking just one glass of wine. But one day at age 20 I woke up in a hospital after passing out the night before. After that I had a huge hangover, not only from alcohol but from religion as well, everything I used to believe in fell apart. I realized, that an omnipotent being couldn’t be at all like the God portrayed by the Bible. How could such a being change its mind after drowning every being but those on the arch. I pretend that I still believed in some kind of God, as I still believed that there is a need for a meaning of live. But finally I realized that this is bullshit. You don’t have to rationalize everything you do. There is no need for a reason to do good things instead of bad. Do you really think, the only reason not to molest a child is because you would be punished in hell? Haven’t you noticed how good it feels to help someone? Anyway, when I let the last remains of my religion go, I felt a burden go away.
Soon afterwards I started studying physics at university. i got a â€œVordiplomâ€ in physics (somewhat comparable to bachelor) and shortly after that a â€œVordiplomâ€ in mathematics. After that I spent one year in the USA studying math. It was a cake walk. I took the hardest courses which were offered, and they were still easy. I got the impression, that the science education in the USA sucks. There are very few very exceptional universities, but the rest is just crap. I was horrified how little the engineering students knew about math. Just to make it clear, scientific research is rather good in the USA, there is more money than in Germany and many foreign professors move to the USA. But this is threatened by the current cultural climate.
When I came back to Germany, I was a little bit shocked how hard things had become again. It took me longer to finish my studies than I had hoped and expected, in fact my final exam will be this Tuesday.
P.S.: Christian family values? Read Mathew, 10:34ff to learn what Christianity does to families.