Chuck Norris

  • 2018 2017 '16 '11 Moderator

    Funny, Switch.  :evil:

    As for Chuck Norris, the next time someone dies of Cancer remember to blame him!  His tears are the cure for cancer, unfortunately for the world, Chuck Norris DOES NOT CRY!

  • 2007 AAR League

    chuck norris checks under his bed every night for fedor emelianenko.

  • 😄 Good ol’ Chuck

    When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

    Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

    Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

    Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

    Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

    Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

  • and….

    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. 
      There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. 
      Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song. 
      Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. 
      Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip. 
      Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. 
      Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. 
      Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

  • 2007 AAR League

    chuck norris doesnt wear sunblock, the sun wears chuckblock.

    when chuck norris jumps into water he doesnt get wet.  the water gets chuck norris.

  • btw, this is not off topic…. this is Chuck’s topic.

  • 2018 2017 '16 '11 Moderator


    btw, this is not off topic…. this is Chuck’s topic.

    Of course, because Chuck’s roundhouse kick is like being hit with a tornado!

  • when chuck noris came back from vacation in the virgin islands, they were just called the islands

  • Another firefighter and I were talking about this topic and he showed up one day with a copy of
    “Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T: The unauthorized parody”

    I don’t think it is worth the $12 Borders wants for it but it was a fun read.


  • Bill Brasky!!!

    “Bill Brasky once used a live rattle snake as a condom!”
    “His poop is considered currency in Argentina.”
    “He hated Mexicans! And he was half-Mexican! …And he hated irony!”
    “We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.”
    “He breastfeeds John Madden!”

  • I think Chuck Norris should be replaced by Jack Bauer. Just my “imo”.

  • @Subotai:

    I think Chuck Norris should be replaced by Jack Bauer. Just my “imo”.

    Donald > Keifer

    Really, he’s named after a yogurt drink.  How hardcore is that?

  • Chuck Norris can start a fire with 2 blocks of ice.

    Some people wear Superman PJs Superman wears Chuck Norris PJs.

  • This was funny seven years ago…

    And guess what…

    It’s still funny.   😄

  • whats the only word that rhymes with “orange”?   Chuck Norris

  • Moderator

    Japan surrendered in '45 because they heard the U.S. was going to drop Chuck Norris on Tokyo.
    Macbooks are made out of Chuck Norris’s skin cells.
    “Semper Fidelis” is Latin for, “Chuck Norris.”
    “Chuck Norris” is English for, “Get down!”
    Chuck Norris was your daddy… twice.
    The United States Military mines Titanium from Chuck Norris’s teeth.
    The U.S. needs only one ally: Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris doesn’t accept whining… ever.
    We can’t find Osama because Chuck Norris already got him.

    Nobody messes with Chuck. Except Jason Bourne. Sorry. I believe there is one better. 😄


  • 2007 AAR League


  • Ya you better not  _uck with Chuck!

  • For all you Chuck fans. 😄

    Some of the facts are pretty good. I see a few that are already listed above.

    A couple of my favorites:

    • The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
    • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
    • When Chuck Norris says “More cowbell”, he MEANS it.
    • Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot – and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.

    Too many other to list here, check out the link.

    Keep your stick on the ice
    (Or in Chuck’s case, keep the foot in the face.) 😄

  • Keep your stick on the ice

    Are you a hockey player?

  • 2017 '16 '15 Organizer '14 Customizer '13 '12 '11 '10

    Technoviking and Chuck Norris should fight for world domination.

  • Moderator

    The U.S. Government doesn’t need to wiretap. Chuck Norris already knows everything about you.
    The truth is sometimes hard to swallow. That’s why Chuck Norris Round House kicked it into little bite sized pieces.
    Any NFL Football Team can trade all their draft picks for Chuck Norris.


  • @Brain:

    Keep your stick on the ice

    Are you a hockey player?

    Yes, well I actually played hockey with a league for 7 years, but have not been playing much of late, getting a little older now. Its a well used Canadian saying. 😄

  • What the heck was that I just watched on you tube?

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