"Smoking crack while drinking a highball and driving 110 MPH in a stolen car backwards the wrong way down a one way street while two underage girls are in the backseat making a porno and a family of Mexicans are in the trunk trying to evade the boarder patrol.
Is this legal?"
I can see some possibilities for you here.
Cocaine is a schedule II controlled substance in the US, so you could be using it for medicinal reasons. Some effort would need to be made to find a physician making a sworn statement that the way you’re administering it is part of an experimental protocol that constitutes your last chance at survival, but that should be doable.
The highball shouldn’t be a big problem if you didn’t drink much of it yet.
Driving a car backwards the wrong way is similar to driving it forwards the right way, but with a negative velocity. That explanation also negates any accusation of speeding.
You may not have been aware that the car was stolen.
The definition of ‘underage’ varies per state and per country, so you may have been trying to prevent a crime by quickly transporting the girls to an area where they would not be underage.
It’s not illegal for the Mexican family to try and evade the border patrol as long as they’re not actually trying to cross the border.