Hey all - I feel like I owe those who liked my channel and supported it the reasons why I stopped it - here they are and I apologize for abruptly leaving without communication.
There’s no one reason, so here goes:
- My contractors that I hired to make the new War room did a sloppy job. They did many things that I didn’t notice until after I paid them. For example - none of the walls they put in are even square - my bathroom East wall is over an inch wider than the West wall. The doors they put in had no latches and when I put the latches in none of them would latch because the doors weren’t hung square. My windows still leak. Within two months the new toilet froze and busted, even though I drained most of it beforehand. This made me feel like a big fool and demotivated me to finish it.
I realized that I actually had an ideal setup in my old house, having the War Room in the basement. It had a poured foundation so no water leaks and stayed temperature controlled year round for free, because it was part of the house. This new room I have is in a outside metal building with no heat or air, and the expense of paying for all of that, plus paying to keep the room relatively warm/cool for only a once a month event seemed excessive. A consistent low humidity also is a factor when you have paper products associated with the game and wall posters that can take damage, which requires consistent heating/cooling.
- My overly ambitious new map/rules project eventually swamped me. Making land and water in Photoshop is pretty easy. Filling in and naming hundreds of territories that each have their own terrain and weather, plus adding all the other improvements I wanted - without even knowing if they would be fun and balanced until tested and retested - is hard. Especially doing it without overcomplicating it. They say a genius is someone who can take something complicated and make it simple. I think I realized I’m no genius.
None of the guys in my play group even wanted a new map anyway - they just responded with blank looks when I told them I was making one. Remember, I hosted a monthly game night for 6 1/2 years. That’s almost 80 game sessions. Been there, done that. So if I wasn’t going to come up with something bigger/better, I had no interest in taking on all the work/expense of making a whole other room to do the exact same thing on the same old map I was bored with.
I respond poorly to criticism. I’m a perfectionist and very hard on myself already. I was getting youtube comments to watch my vids on fast speed because I talked too slow. I also had criticism that I couldn’t even pronounce Axis and Allies correctly, so how could my ideas be taken seriously? Despite my getting 20 good comments to one bad one, I still let the bad ones rankle me. So I started thinking, why am I doing all this just to get myself upset? Because I’m actually an introvert, I can’t talk fast and on the fly like other successful youtubers can, so I felt I should just back off and leave it to them.
This year I turned 60 years old. I realized I’m now in the fourth quarter of my life. This is a time when a man starts thinking of his legacy. What do I want to be remembered for? Do I want to be remembered as just as a guy obsessed with a game? Not just a game, but a game with the theme of the most destructive war in history. A war that killed over 60 million people and allowed Communism to spread halfway around the world, spawning later killing in wars like Korea and Vietnam.
Do I really want to spend my last days rolling dice, eating chips and chuckling over that? They say “war is sweet to them that know it not”. I was never in the military, but I have a friend who was an artillery man in Vietnam, and I can’t get him to play. Probably because he’s seen how horrible war really is. How foolish it seems to me now for me to try to shrink all of that death and misery down to my kitchen table and make a game of it with pretty cards and dice. Much less investing thousands into a dedicated room for it. I’ve read enough memoirs of WWII soldiers to know that they didn’t dream of fighting and glory. All they wanted was for it to stop, and to go home and live normal lives.
So that’s where I am now on the journey. I appreciate all of your support and use of my ideas. Although I (somewhat impulsively) deleted all my videos, the bulk of those ideas are still in the house rules you can download elsewhere here.
I still read the forums here occasionally, and get email notifications of chat messages from those who want to reach me, so I’m around - not dead or anything!