Holiday Wishes

Since the poem I found last year caused such controversy, I’ve decided to post a totally more pollitically correct wish this year:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for
an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious
persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the
religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their
choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;"

Additionally,

A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted
calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice
of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make
America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than
any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere),
and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability,
religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of
the wisher."

(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted
to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for
a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday
greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the
wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress
these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)