The bottom line is she cheated on you. After that there can be no “trust”, without “trust” no relationship can survive.
Well, technically we weren’t together, so she technically didn’t. Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. I think it was wrong, and deep down she probably feels it as well, but I’m not sure.
And, I’ve hurt her in the past…I wouldn’t call it cheating, but I’m sure she felt that way.
Trust can always be rebuilt. But it takes two parties dedicated to the task.
I’m sorry but I don’t think that trust can ever be rebuilt. There will always be that doubt, and those doubts will lead to arguments. You say she didn’t “technically” cheat, but you have a child together, that creates a husband-wife-family bond, she chose to ignore her obligations to that “family unit” for her own selfish physical gratification, is that the kind of mother you want raising your child?
I know my words are harsh, but really you need to think about what’s best for your son.
In many ways you are right. But I “did it first.” Being an idiot and not thinking about consequences, not realizing that I didn’t really want to mess around with someone else, and drinking way way too much. Took me a bit to get my perspective.
Doesn’t mean it is an excuse for her to do the same. But she did. It can always be healed. If the love is there.
She and I had a great talk last night. She’s still on the defensive some, but as long as you don’t accuse and actually talk about what matters, then you can make progress. She knows I’m hurt, I don’t need to repeat it. And if I love her, then there is always room in my heart to let her in. The door is shutting, but it will never close. It will just take more work after some time to get it back open.
The thing is, she’s not so much rebelling against me, but against her life. She admits that the other guy was a mistake and it shouldn’t have happened. She wishes I was in the place I am now 2 years ago. It would have been perfect. But you can’t force anyone that way.
So now she’s dealing with her new “freedom” and burdens of responsibility. She’s getting quite a bit out, but her roommate tells me there isn’t anything I should be afraid of. Deep down, she loves me, and he’s pretty sure, as most people who know us, that she’ll come around sooner or later. And she acknowledged that herself. It may take both of dating a few times to realize that, though.
But, I’m not holding my breath. Just slowly releasing my grip from the things I want since they aren’t immediately obtainable.