Funny



  • DEATH WISH

    News Anchor, Dan Rather, The Reverened Jesse Jackson, Cokie Roberts, reporter from National Public Radio and an Israeli soldier were hiking through the jungle one day when they were captured by cannibals. They were tied up, led to the village and brought before the chief.

    The chief said, “I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish. Before we kill and eat you, do you have any last requests?”

    Dan Rather said, “Well, I’m a Texan; so I’d like one last bowlful of hot, spicy chili.” The chief nodded to an underling, who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, “Now I can die content.”

    Jesse Jackson said, “You know, the thing in this life I am proudest of is my work on behalf of the poor and oppressed. So before I go, I want to sing “We Shall Overcome” one last time.”

    The chief said, “Go right ahead, we’re listening.” Jackson sang the song, and then said, “Now I can die in peace.”

    Cokie Roberts said, “I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job til the end.”

    The chief directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder, and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, “Now I can die happy.”

    The chief turned and said, “And now, Mr. Israeli soldier, what is your final wish?”

    “Kick me in the ass.” said the Israeli.

    “What?” said the chief. “Will you mock us in your last hour?”

    “No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass.” insisted the Israeli.

    So the chief untied the soldier, shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Israeli went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from his waistband, and shot the chief dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his uzi, and sprayed the cannibals with gunfire. In a flash, the cannibals were dead or fleeing for their lives.

    As the Israeli was untying the others, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass?”

    “What!?” said the Israeli, “And AGAIN have you jerks call ME the aggressor?!?”

    A Joke I found on another webpage, basically a variation of another joke I have heard before. Now I dont care what your position on the Israel/Palestine situation is, but thats a funny joke.



  • OMG that is great…going up in the new office.



  • Is it funny? I have no opinion on the Israeli/arab/muslim/jewish situation, so I´m guessing that it´s not prejudice that´s preventing me from getting the punchline.

    So the Israelites are so tired of being accused of being the aggressors that they´ll take a kick in the a** before killing the cannibals (their enemies), who are obviously going to kill them …. Don´t get it … Sorry …



  • (Rolling in a puddle on the floor)
    I think it’s funny

    the sad thing is …

    no matter what the Israeli’s do Palestinians, Arbs, Muslims and liberals will always see Israel and the Jews as the aggressors.



  • no matter what the Israeli’s do Palestinians, Arbs, Muslims and liberals will always see Israel and the Jews as the aggressors.

    Yeah, I gathered as much. And I guess the funny thing is that the other people (Dan Rather et al) make the point that the Israelites are the aggressors. Ok, I see why it´s funny.



  • @El:

    no matter what the Israeli’s do Palestinians, Arbs, Muslims and liberals will always see Israel and the Jews as the aggressors.

    Don’t forget the flipside:
    No matter what Israelis or Palestines do, conservatives etc. will always see Palestine and the Arabs as the aggressors….

    and that is the problem, that both sides have decided to use one eye only.



  • does anybody else think Falk killed it?



  • @Janus1:

    does anybody else think Falk killed it?

    Naw, couldn’t be…could it? 😞

    Oh wait a minute, yeah. 😎



  • I must differ.

    The Israeli government screws it up about 50% of the time. Whereas, all it takes is a small group of radical Palestinians(of which there seem to be a goodly number) to screw it up. That is why Arabs or Palestinians screw it up 90% of the time(I’m being conservative here, since I lean that way[double entendre.])



  • Does that mean that the Israeli government is more easily tempted into counter-violence?



  • ok, to agree with my post here you need to believe in the Bible/God. with that said, when the israelites first came into The Land God told them to kill everything. (because the people there deserved it.) well, they didn’t do it, and the palestinians have been causing problems ever since.

    i know this seems far fetched if you don’t already agree with me, but that’s the way i see it.



  • I say we just have the Israelis and Palestinians duke it out in one final showdown, winner take all, loser moves to Florida



  • lol! yes, that’s the best plan yet!



  • @Janus1:

    I say we just have the Israelis and Palestinians duke it out in one final showdown, winner take all, loser moves to Florida

    not fair.
    Israel already took on i don’t remember how many countries and came out of it laughing.



  • @cystic:

    not fair.
    Israel already took on i don’t remember how many countries and came out of it laughing.

    that’s because they had the U.S’ aid. perhaps if they did something else? A&A, anyone? 😄



  • @Janus1:

    I say we just have the Israelis and Palestinians duke it out in one final showdown, winner take all, loser moves to Florida

    Nah, Caulifornia! (as Ahnold would say.)



  • My guess is that if we did it that way, Palestine would cease to exist within the month. Probably much, much sooner.


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